East Atlantic

Nets

Same Nets - Kidd is fun cuz he boards and assists, Carter does it all, and both of them will miss 20 to 40 games. That lolipop-head Euro tries to keep up. Oh, and, Richard Jefferson is for dorks.

Celtics

All three of them should work well together. Pierce won’t go to the line 10 times a night anymore, but he’ll probably go up in assists and steals, maybe threes. Allen will probably have the same number of threes but with less assists. Garnett will probably benefit most. For the first time he’s surrounded by scorers and decent defenders. Kendrick Perkins might be good for some boards and blocks, and Rondo can steal the ball from other players while the ball bounces. Why is Boston such a big basketball town? Everyone in Boston listens to Drop-Kick Murphey.

Raptors

“I got it right here in my Raptor bag.”

Bosh is good at everything a big-man has to be good at, including FT%, but he only gets about one block per match. That’s the only knock. Why do guys act like Morris Peterson is the greatest 3-drainer since Askia Jones? The Raptors are tough to figure out as far as Fantasy goes, but besides Bosh there should be at least two valuable guys. Chances are, he’ll be white, and he’ll be a tall outside shooter. Kapono will be good for threes, and he should get more minutes in Toronto - they signed him for a reason. Bargnani should be good for some threes, blocks, and maybe a few boards. TJ Ford is good for assists and steals, and that’s about it. Charlie Villanueva has no eyebrows but he’ll hit threes, get some blocks and some boards. Minutes will determine everyone’s numbers other than Bosh. Even TJ Ford will lose a few to Calderon. Garbajosa might be worth watching too - some 3s, boards, blocks, assists, and C/SF eligibility. But he needs minutes.

Knicks

The Pants are a filthy mess of players who aren’t worth drafting unless you’ve already filled your starting lineup. They all do some good things, but they all turn the ball over and none of them play defense. They could win 80 games, but most people would still consider them the worst team ever. If you’re interested, they have Zach Randolph, Starbury, Ed Curry, and Jamal Crawford - he’s worth taking, especially in leagues with a FT% category. He scores the way Ben Gordon does - threes in a hurry.

Link To Ecko 756 Article

I think Barry took some magic potion too. I think he talks like a girl. As a Giants fan, I think he made it tough to build a winner in San Francisco. Barry is not a nice person. The record is tainted, to be sure. But baseball owes much of its rich history to assholes - Pete Rose gambled, Ty Cobb murdered a black man, Roger Clemons stole a Hummer, and the Geek Squad found 25,000 child porn images on Cal Ripken’s laptop.

Some, including myself, argue that it takes an asshole to stand still and concentrate when a baseball is coming at you upwards of 100 mph. Maybe asshole and good hitter are inseparable. Disagree? Ted Williams was considered a prick too. Willie Mays smiled a lot? Tell that to his green Cadillac with personalized “Say Hey” plates. He might as well have worn a cape.

That’s a general trend in baseball - assholes win the MVP, and .210 hitters get the Roberto Clemente award.

Here’s another trend: fashion designers are either homosexual men, dumpy women from New York, Asian chicks with exaggerated Valley-girl accents, or popular female singers.

Mark Ecko should have never had the 756 ball in his possession at any time, and he certainly shouldn’t have any say in what’s done to it.

Ecko is still available in stores? That’s who started an “urban” fashion line? I wouldn’t have such a problem with Georgio Armani wanting to toy with the ball, but the Ecko guy?

The Baseball Hall of Fame should have outbid the Ecko guy. That ball is sort of important. They failed there first. Now they’re enthusiastic about helping Marc Ecko - the double-jointed, MySpace dweeb who sells jeans that make you look unemployed - brand an astarik on the ball?

Baseball is suffering. Football has become YouTube - generated by idiots and popular with everyone. And Baseball has become books - loaded with high expectations it can no longer satisfy, because it’s bogged with tradition and run by old people. Baseball, like books, is trying to do something it’s not built for. Baseball will never be hip to “urban” culture. Books can only promote old greats like Hemingway and hope for another Harry Potter; baseball can only promote Hank Aaron and hope for another Ken Griffey Jr.

Barry Bonds is black. He’s never actually been found guilty of substance abuse. Baseball can buddy-up with Italian Hip-Hop dweebs all it wants, but as long as they treat a great black player like a joke, the MLB is just another Scottish kid in LA, standing at a crosswalk in 90-degree heat, wearing huge jeans with a red rhino stitched down the front.

That is all. New girlie pictures soon to come.

Dear men,

We’re sorry to have flaked on you the way we did. We’re back now. Hope you still like us.